I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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