I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
