I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
