I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
