I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
