Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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