I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
