i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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