Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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