Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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