Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
