Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
