Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
