The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
