I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
