So drunk its hurt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
