I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize