I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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