some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
