So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
