those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
