Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
