She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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