Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
