I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
