You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize