So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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