Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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