Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
