Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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