I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
