I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
