well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
