I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
