I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
