I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
