oh god the rape fog is back!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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