My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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