I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
