I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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