i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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