I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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