I think I died a long time ago.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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