Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize