you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize