So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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