I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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