Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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