So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
