i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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