using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
