I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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