You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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