I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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