she was so not down for the gang bang
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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