Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
