checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
