I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
