if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize