saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
