I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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