Sry I called you an 8
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
