we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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