just tell him i said nine months
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
