she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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