I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
