I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
