I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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