Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
