I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
