just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
