Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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