I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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