saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
