I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
