She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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