Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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