I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
