i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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