he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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