I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
