last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
