The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
