I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
