I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dignity is for republicans.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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