Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
