just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
